Why Dating Sucks

I’ve never been a big fan of “dating.”  It sounds nice and romantic (especially the way some movies portray it)–you meet someone, maybe for dinner, you chat, you feel (or don’t feel) an attraction, you decide if you want to see him/her again–but it’s always seemed so superficial to me.  Very few people are honest about who they are on a first date (or third, fifteenth, etc.), instead opting to put their “best foot forward,” so you run the risk of getting into someone and then months of investment later find out that s/he is an alcoholic, thrice divorced person who likes to hunt, was mean to cats as a child, and oh by the way, is your third cousin.

And it’s not always great when people are completely honest with you up front, either.  I’ve had first dates where the guy told me how wonderful he thought I was, and how he could see the two of us married with several children (EEK!), or yet another who put his leg over the arm of his chair, essentially flashing his manhood to me, while telling me that my lack of interest in having sex on a first date was because I was sexually repressed.  (UGH!)

So, for me, I’ve always preferred getting to know a guy and be friends with him for a while before finding out if we’d be compatible in a sexual relationship.  Any relationship I’ve had that started out as dating first was very short-lived.  But the men whom I’ve truly loved in my life started out as friends.  And as much as they probably hated being relegated to the Friend Zone, I needed to know they would still like me, even if I later found out they didn’t want to take the relationship to the next level.

I’m sure a large reason I did this was my fear of being abandoned, but I also know it was partly due to me not wanting to waste my time on someone with whom I wouldn’t be compatible.  While some people might be okay playing that game over and over again, for months (or even years) at a time, that’s just never held any appeal for me.  Which is a good thing, because back when I was younger, I was still looking for someone, ANYONE to love me; because I apparently didn’t, and for some reason felt I needed someone else to do so before I could.

That’s one of the MANY reasons I’m so glad to be happily married to my wonderful, life-long friend, Craig.  We started out as friends 31 years ago, and traveled along a very circuitous route to find each other (for the third time) in 2009.  When we were married 3 years later, it was one of the best days of my life, and these last 5 years have been wonderful!  We’ve had our ups and downs, but they’ve been minor, and through all of it, I know that I’ll never love like this again in this lifetime.  The support, friendship, laughter, and memories we’ve shared and created together have helped to heal so many of my early wounds.

So, as our Anniversary is coming nigh, I wanted to take this chance to say that I’m happy that I think dating sucks, and that it never “worked out” with any of the other men in my life.  I’ve found my soul mate, and I’m looking forward to the next 5, 10, 50 years together.

I love you, baby!




Time Flies

Recently, I received a notice from WordPress that I’d reached my third year anniversary of blogging with them.  I was astounded for two reasons: 1) It hasn’t felt like three years has gone by already; and 2) I’m surprised and proud that I’ve been able to come up with enough things to discuss to produce a weekly blog for that long.

When I’d first heard of blogging several years ago, I didn’t understand the concept.  I looked at quite a few blogs at that time, and most of them seemed pointless to me.  People posting a one-paragraph blip about some photo they saw, or emotion they have?  Isn’t that what people do on Twitter and Facebook?  So when someone in my writer’s group suggested that I start a blog to help gain an online presence, I was skeptical.  I didn’t know what I wanted to write about.  I checked out some blogs by others in my group, and saw that they wrote mostly about the writing process.  Well, I KNEW that I wasn’t knowledgeable enough to keep up a regular blog about writing; I’m still learning that stuff, for heaven’s sake.

There was also the problem of not knowing how or where to start.  But since the other advice was to start a Twitter account (which I refuse to do for some reason I can’t quite explain), it seemed that blogging was the best choice for me.  So I jumped right in.

Do not wait; the time will never be “just right.” Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along.
~George Herbert

This is how I approached the world of blogging.  When I started out, I had no knowledge of what was supposed to go into keeping up a blog.  I did a cursory glance at both the WordPress and Blogger site instructions, chose WordPress, and then BAM, wrote my first post.  It took about a year before I learned that I could select some Tags for my blogs, so people looking up certain words or phrases could be directed to my site.  Then another six months after that, I discovered I could schedule my blogs to be published at a future date.  Up until then, I would manually finish and post each blog.  It wasn’t until I’d been invited to become a regular poster for Writers Who Kill that I learned about that little lifesaver. *Thanks to WWK for teaching me that!*

There are still so many things I don’t know about this whole blogging thing (I know, I sound like an old codger complaining about the newfangled doo-dads), but I’m slowly learning more and more about this process.  The next things I want to learn are: 1) How to give proper credit to the images I post in my blogs (my apologies to all to whom I haven’t given “props” to in the past); and 2) How to market my blog better to get more traffic.  Heck, even the automatic publication of my posts to Facebook aren’t working right, so I apparently need to learn about that, too.

But if I’d waited until I learned everything I could about blogging I wouldn’t have been able to post for these last three years.  Since I don’t do book-learning so well, it honestly might’ve taken me at least three years to dredge myself through all the knowledge that’s out there.  I’m sure there’s a class (or two . . . hundred) I could take to help me learn this stuff, but as I’ve said before, I work better while being in the thick of things.

I want to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you who reads my posts.  Even if it’s only on a semi-regular basis, I do appreciate you taking the time to wade through my thoughts, whatever they might be.  And–though I don’t always specifically ask for them each week–I really do welcome your comments.  In fact, I truly enjoy reading them.  Whether you agree with my thoughts or not, seeing your comments makes me feel like I connect with you, and like we’re having some semblance of a conversation.

So I’m raising a proverbial toast to you all for coming along with me on this journey of blog-discovery.  Here’s hoping we have at least another three years together (if I can come up with that many more things to write about).  😉

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