Un-Healthy Relationships

Today’s gonna be a rant about movies and TV shows that deal with romantic relationships.
Craig and I are finding it harder and harder to watch those kinds of things without getting utterly pissed off at the writers.  I’ve heard that most people write about what they know about, and if that’s true, then it’s no wonder that there are so many divorced people in this country (and possibly the world).
 
Granted, Craig and I have only been married for 5 years (together for 9), so we don’t have “all the answers,” nor do we necessarily think we’re experts on healthy relationships.  But I can tell you that we don’t fall into any of the “classic” traps that you see in relationship-based entertainment.
 
Our biggest pet peeve with these stories is communication, or lack thereof.  Every time we see a scene where a couple has a “misunderstanding” because they weren’t completely honest with each other, we throw up our hands in disgust.  If we’re watching said show at home, we even pause it to discuss where the couple “went wrong,” which then leads to a discussion about how frustrated we are that these kinds of unhealthy relationships seem to be considered “normal.”  When one member of the couple answers “I’m fine,” or “Nothing” when asked “What’s wrong?” by their significant other, we again get disgusted and have to discuss that for a long time.
Another annoyance for us is when couples are mean to each other.  Case in point, the TV show Black-ish.  We used to LOVE this show when it first came on.  It was funny, well-written and gave us points to ponder and discuss.  But over the last couple of seasons, it seems the writers have been upping their abuse of Rainbow.  It’s always annoyed us that her mother-in-law, Ruby, verbally abuses her (while Dre says nothing), but lately Dre himself has been increasingly abusive to her.  So much so, that we’ve often wondered why she stays married to him.  We used to be excited for a new episode to watch, but now, it’s one of the last shows we think to pull up in our streaming list, for the very reasons listed above.
I’ve even started watching less and less romantic comedy movies due to these issues.  Craig still enjoys them a bit more than I do, but he agrees that the communication and crappy behavior in them causes him to enjoy them less than he used to.  I just can’t waste my time anymore on a movie where two people seem to hate each other so much, or whose relationship is based on a lie . . . but then suddenly fall in love with each other (usually after having sex) and everything’s “okay.”  Films like How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days or Failure to Launch really hit a new low in my opinion, so I’m even pickier than I used to be.
What we’d like to see happen is for writers to stop writing about what they know, and start writing about how things could be.  You know how some people say that we learn by what we watch (which is certainly true for children)?  Well, why can’t people start writing about healthy relationships?  I’m not talking about The Brady Bunch which I HATED because of how unrealistic it was, but there’s definitely a happy medium between Everybody Loves Raymond (Ray’s mother . . . grrrrrr!) and a Stepford family.  There are still plenty of interesting and dramatic things to discuss in relationships without everything having to be so secretive.  Craig and I have plenty of drama in our lives, but we sit down and discuss things in a calm and respectful manner.  I don’t think I’m always right and him wrong, and he doesn’t treat me like I’m “the little woman.”
Maybe the viewing audience wouldn’t be interested in that sort of thing right now (especially with the current fondness for hyped-up drama from “reality” shows), but I personally would love to see TV and movie execs give something like that a solid chance.  Because, how can we change our reality into something better, if we don’t know what that looks like?
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6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Craig
    Apr 27, 2018 @ 08:53:44

    Here, here. (Or is it ‘hear hear’)? Well said. We need more positive relationship models out there like on the “Cosby Show”. What?… too soon?

    Reply

  2. kerryemckenna
    Apr 27, 2018 @ 16:16:27

    I do also, not surprisingly, feel left out of the rom com and the romantic drama…I don’t like watching people always making the same stupid mistakes. I made some darned subtle mistakes and like you guys, have plenty of my own style of conflict and comedy of errors. ESpecially if someone is mean. I think we should write more realistic and varied material, and I’ll be someone would watch…? We’re someone!

    Reply

    • Alyx Morgan
      Apr 27, 2018 @ 18:26:15

      I would TOTALLY watch that! I’ve seen some healthy relationships in shows & movies lately & am encouraged. It just might happen in our lifetime. 😉

      Reply

  3. Malena E.
    Apr 30, 2018 @ 09:17:43

    Alyx, you are so right about this! I so enjoyed your ‘rant’ because I feel exactly the same way. I mostly only watch British TV, where people often insult one another, but it’s so clever and witty, I don’t mind it.
    Thank you for making me laugh and agree so much with what I was reading. It’s fun to find those sorts of connections.

    Reply

    • Alyx Morgan
      May 01, 2018 @ 05:05:11

      HI Malena! So nice to “see” you here again!

      I have to admit that I don’t watch much British TV, but I did enjoy Black Adder when I watched it. The insults were definitely clever.

      Reply

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