Let’s Talk About . . . Sex

Yes, I know that word is a big taboo in this country, but I don’t care . . . this is something that NEEDS to be discussed.  BIG TIME.

John Oliver (my new fave since Jon Stewart is gone) recently posted a video pointing out the ridiculous lack of sex education in this country:

Sex Education

The general consensus of parents in this country seems to be that talking about sex is vulgar, dirty, uncomfortable, etc., especially with children, and shouldn’t happen in schools.  However, the parents who don’t want it being discussed in schools are usually also the parents who won’t talk to their kids about it at home.  Which means that kids are very limited in where they can get answers to their questions.

Make no mistake . . . kids have questions about sex; even from an early age.  And they’re not stupid, either.  They notice when Dad finds a woman attractive (no matter how he might try to hide his stare).  They notice if Mom’s not in the mood, and maybe even why.  They even learn that a woman in a bikini holding a beer on TV is “sexy,” even if they don’t yet know what that word means.  Yes, these are stereotypes, but you get the picture . . . kids notice things.  It’s unfair to have them notice things and not answer the resulting questions they will undoubtedly have.

And honestly, what’s the big friggin’ deal if they ask questions about sex?!  You don’t hear parents freaking out about children asking why the sky is blue, or why snow is cold.  Why should they freak out about “the sex talk?”  It’s honestly just as innocuous as the other questions . . . YES, it is.

I guarantee you, that if a parent calls a vagina or penis what they are (rather than the ridiculous words like “hooha” or “thingy”), the kids won’t snicker so much when they hear those words in the future.  And I also guarantee that if you give honest and frank answers to questions about sexual attraction or even a girl’s period, they won’t freak out either.  How can I guarantee that?  Because I’ve answered the question about a menstrual cycle to two girls who weren’t yet 10 (I was babysitting them).  The two girls (upon hearing what the tampon in my purse was for) simply said “okay,” and went off to play.  And I was raised by parents who answered all my sexual questions and even let me know they still had sex, and I don’t think either word for genitalia is funny or weird (thought “fart” still makes me giggle, go fig).

And for the parents who say it’s their kids who’d be uncomfortable with “the talk,” I’d have to say it’s really more the parent who’s uncomfortable and the kid has picked up on that feeling.  If you treat something like a non-issue, it really becomes a non-issue to your kids (see menstrual cycle discussion above).

But even if it is awkward for you or your kid, so what?!  For the parents who don’t want sex-ed taught in schools, what’s the alternative?  Thinking that your kid(s) won’t be interested in something if you (or a teacher at school) don’t talk to them about it is basically putting your head in the sand.  Sex is a NORMAL part of being human!  Yes, we can stand/walk on two legs, and we wear clothes, drive cars, and fly in airplanes, but first and foremost we are animals!  And one of the most normal functions of nearly EVERY animal on this planet is procreation, which means S-E-X.  When you inhibit that basic body function, bad shit happens, as this article about Josh Duggar and his cheating ways perfectly demonstrates.

I’m not suggesting that kids should be having sex as soon as their hormones start ramping up, but feeling those urges IS normal and should NOT be treated like a horrible thing.  To do so only makes your kids feel like they’re horrible people for having urges that they truly have no control over.  Yes, they have control over how they respond to said urges, but if they’re not educated about those urges and the different responses to them, then how are they going to know which response is the right one for them?  Besides, a lack of education in ANY arena means you’re not equipping them to be fully functional adults, which is the responsibility of every parent.

One more argument I’d make to the parents who want to hide behind the “My parents did it this way with me and look how fine I turned out,” . . . clearly you didn’t turn out “fine” if you’re uncomfortable talking about a NORMAL BODY FUNCTION with your children!  And don’t even get me started on the parents who had children at such an early age and “had” to get married.  I’d bet any amount of money that happened because their own parents refused to let them be educated about sex before they had it, or else told them the only or best option was abstinence.

Abstinence is an option, yes, but it’s just one of MANY options in response to raging hormones.  If you don’t want your kids having sex with a partner yet, then teach them about masturbation . . . I can guarantee you they’ll know about it (and probably try it out) before you think they do.  But let them know that masturbating isn’t dirty, and that it’s a great way to take care of those urges without risking pregnancy or STDs.

Bottom line, your kids WILL have sex eventually; it’s just a part of our physical make up to do so.  Some will have it before they’re out of high school, and hoping they won’t is just irresponsible parenting.  Would you rather they were educated about sex and all the possible outcomes, or would you rather keep your head buried in the sand?

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. csmithsq
    Aug 28, 2015 @ 09:07:16

    Very well said. I have but two things to add….
    One thing that struck me was how often we’re talking about the PARENTS of school aged children. It’s the PARENTS who are against teaching this in schools. And, unless they are adoptive parents, THEY HAD TO HAVE HAD SEX to become parents. So, to emphasize your point, they’re pretty hypocritical and irresponsible to try to withhold that important bit of biological and sociological information from their own kids.
    The second thing, is that I’m guessing the reason most parents don’t want to talk to their kids about sex, is that they weren’t taught properly themselves. So, they probably have a lot of misinformation and aren’t sure or don’t know about a lot of things. So, they’re not sure WHAT to tell their kids. Not to mention the feelings of taboo, ‘dirtiness’ and all the shaming from the society that existed around the time when they were learning. So by extension, they think it’s a bad thing to talk and know about sex because that’s how they learned it should be. (But again, they still did it).
    You know what can solve all of that? Knowledge. Information. You shouldn’t fear facts. Knowing the facts help you best deal with the situation. ANY situation. And yes, even at that young age.

    Reply

    • Alyx Morgan
      Aug 28, 2015 @ 09:21:29

      Excellent points, Craig. I would have to agree with all of your insights & can’t think of anything else to add.

      Thanks for stopping by today & adding your two cents. :o)

      Reply

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