Leave Me Alone

2015 hasn’t been a great year for me so far, health-wise.  In January I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, and later found out I actually have Hashimoto’s Disease (which causes hypothyroidism, but whose treatment is more involved). I developed inflamed lymph nodes and a stye in my eye back in February, due to lots of stress in my life.  In March, a chest congestion showed up that’s lasted more than 6 weeks (still trying to get rid of that one), which Craig caught (though his lasted far less time).  Also in March, Craig wound up in a motorcycle accident where he broke his collarbone and has been out of work for nearly a month.  Around that same time, I started feeling pain in my floating ribs, which feels like a tear in the connective tissue around them, though I’m still awaiting final word on that.

I’m not exaggerating at all . . . all of these things have hit within the first quarter of this year.  It’s enough to make me want to weep; which I’ve done a few times over the last four months.

What’s made it harder, though, is people wanting to know how I am.  That might sound weird, but it’s actually quite logical, when you think about it.

When major stressors hit you, you want/need time and space to absorb it, assimilate it, and deal with it before you can move on with your life.  So imagine multiple stressors hitting in a relatively short span of time.  You REALLY need that time.  When people keep asking how you’re doing, you don’t really get the necessary time or space to work through it in a healthy way, because you’re constantly having to relive the initial stress.

There have honestly been times these last couple of weeks that I just didn’t want to talk to anybody, because I didn’t want to have to relive every single crappy health thing that was going on.  I know that my ability to exchange simple pleasantries went right out the window, which added guilt to all the stress, but I did my best to get over that one, because now is the time for me to take care of me and not worry about how other people are gonna take it.

One of the other hard things was having people try to tell me to keep my chin up during all of this.  I actually heard the phrase “Just look for the light at the end of the tunnel.”  Honestly?  After just a couple of these events, I began to worry that light was another train about to hit.

Why do some people have a hard time dealing with someone who’s “in the dumps?”  There are many schools of thought in psychology that says the best way to get through a misfortune is to actually feel it.  It’s widely known and accepted that there are 5 stages of grief/loss (or 7, depending on what school you agree with), but many people seem uncomfortable when confronted with someone in the first few stages.

This same thing may be why people use food or substances to “cope” in life . . . because they can’t deal with the negative thoughts that might occur in their head.  I’m quite sure that’s part of why I’ve had eating issues most of my life.  We’re taught that feeling bad is “bad,” and that we should try to hide it.  I’m not sure if that’s because we don’t want people to think less of us, or if we’d think less of ourselves, but it’s definitely unhealthy to repress your emotions.

So I’m learning to 1) deal with these negative feelings, no matter what they are; and 2) to tell people that I just don’t want to talk about it (if I don’t).  There’s too much going on in my life right now that I need to focus on, and I don’t have the time or energy to worry about whether or not someone will be offended that I’m not my usual happy-go-lucky, optimistic self.  And if they leave me alone, I’ll be able to get through the grief much faster.

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7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. csmithsq
    Apr 24, 2015 @ 09:26:15

    Yes. I know exactly what you mean, having had similar issues as you this year. Fortunately (or unfortunately) I haven’t been able to go to work, so at least I don’t have coworkers constantly checking in on my progress.
    I think the reason people have a hard time dealing with someone who’s in a bad mood is that for some reason in this country, being sad, or depressed or upset is now equated with not being able to handle things which equals weakness. So, people are uncomfortable with people showing weakness, and want to encourage the afflicted person to greater strength.
    Which of course, is crap. It’s not weakness, it’s actually healthy to allow yourself to go through those stages of recovery, and the physical and mental rest is what gives you the strength to come out the other end.
    Encouraging mantras are like adrenaline. They boost you for a very short time, then leave you a little bit more tired afterward for the expended energy.

    Reply

    • Alyx Morgan
      Apr 27, 2015 @ 05:44:03

      You’re very right, Craig, that going through the crappy feelings helps you come to the other side more rested (at least, it does for me).

      Thanks for stopping by today & commenting.

      Reply

  2. Bette Golden Lamb
    Apr 24, 2015 @ 10:34:39

    Alyx, It’s hard to go through so many problems at one time, but I’m hoping you’ll solve them all, one step at a time.
    People really are only trying to show you concern and empathy when they know things are difficult for you. They care about you. But when you’re ill, it feels like everything pushes your buttons. How well I know that, both as a nurse and a patient.
    Mainly, it’s hard dealing with medical problems, in ourselves and others, because every time it’s a wake up call, a reminder that we are all mortal.
    I was going to say chin up:) but you know what I mean.
    Take care,
    Bette

    Reply

    • Alyx Morgan
      Apr 27, 2015 @ 05:46:34

      I do realize that people are just trying to show concern & empathy, but you’re right, that it feels like the buttons get pushed.

      I’m (hopefully) on the other side of most of them, so I can hear “chin up” & know you’re coming from that place of concern & empathy. Thanks for that, Bette, & for coming by today.

      Reply

  3. Kathy
    Apr 28, 2015 @ 06:12:57

    So sorry to hear dear Alyx! Sending hugs your way!

    Reply

  4. Trackback: Thanksgiving 2015 | Droppings From the Mind of Alyx

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