Sounds From the Stalls

I warn you now, this post might be considered “disgusting” by some of you.  I’m about to discuss bodily functions, so you have been forewarned.  Hopefully you’ve figured out by now that I’ll discuss anything with anybody, so if you’re still reading, this shouldn’t be too much of a shocking subject for you.  But I will try to be as PC as possible, so as not to offend those who remain too much.

I used to be embarrassed to use a public restroom.  In high school, if someone else was in there when I was, I would sit in the stall and pee as quietly as possible until they left.  Then I would pee normally.

I think I was afraid that people were judging me based on the sound I made while urinating.  Chances are, they were worried about that, too, so I needn’t have worried so much, but you don’t know that when you’re a teenager.

The interesting thing is that now I’m the one who’s analyzing the sounds coming from the other stalls.  Not in a judgemental kind of way, but more curiously.  Like, Why is her pee coming out in that sound?  Is it because her body is formed/shaped differently than mine down there?  Or is it something she’s developed over time from her own adolescent discomfort in public restrooms?

Seriously, take away the odd nature of the subject and just listen with an analytical ear next time you’re in a public restroom.  In the ladies’ room, I’ve heard anything from the sound of a two-inch stream of water being shoved through a half-inch opening at 20 miles per hour, to that of a tub being filled quickly, and everything in between.  I don’t know if there’s a difference between the sounds that men make when urinating, but I assume so.

I have noticed, however, that I don’t focus on those sounds when I’ve got other things on my mind.  For instance, if I have to be in a public bathroom for longer than a quick “Number 1,” I’ve usually got something to read or keep me occupied (crossword puzzles, Sudoku, etc).  So those times, I don’t usually notice the sounds coming from the other stalls.  Maybe that’s why women often go to the bathroom in packs, and why nowadays I notice more and more people taking their cell phones in the stalls with them; if they’re focused on a discussion–or their Twitter or Facebook feed–they don’t have to notice the sound of the people peeing right next to them.

The ones that get me, though, are the people who hold conversations on the phone while they’re in a public restroom.  There are some people that I’ll stay on the phone with when I’m going potty, yes, but I generally only do that in my own home.  Why I find it more acceptable to do in my own home, but weird to do it in a public restroom, I don’t know.  Maybe it has something to do with not wanting to have my personal conversations overheard or something.  Or maybe it’s because there’s this general opinion of bathrooms being “dirty” places, and how that somehow might taint any conversation you might have while in there.  But again, why don’t I think the same thing at home?

Like I said, I know this is an odd (and possibly offending) blog topic, but come on, we ALL do some “un-normal” thing with regards to bathrooms, yes?  I can’t be the only one who notices the different sounds of urination and tries to figure out how best to describe it, can I?  I hope not, because knowing that there’s at least one other person who does something like that would make me feel less weird or gross.

I’m sorry if you now look at me differently, or if you’re now uncomfortable to go to the restroom at the same time as me.

. . . or am I?

Maybe this blog was just an elaborate plot on my part to make people SO uncomfortable that they’d avoid entering a public restroom when I’m in there, and I’d eventually be able to have the potty all to myself.

Maniacal Laugh


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. csmithsq
    Mar 22, 2014 @ 21:05:16

    I, too, don’t like to be on the phone with someone while I’m in the bathroom. My reason is that I can just imagine the noises from the other end of the phone line. I don’t want to be talking to my Mom and have someone in the other stall let out a massive nasty wet-sounding fart echoing around the chamber.
    I do worry about the noises I make when I pee and try to do it quietly when I can when I’m in public. I try not to pay attention to other peoples’ noises because I just don’t want to know.


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