Verbal Bloopers

When you think about the fact that we all dance to the beat of our own drummer, it’s sometimes amazing that we’re able to communicate as well as we do.  But some very humorous moments can be found when we DON’T communicate so well.

Wait What

For example, a simple object could be described differently by different people, depending on one’s frame of reference.  This one comes to mind when I recall a story my mom told me about my childhood.  It seems I was hoping to wear a particular shirt one day, but couldn’t find it, so I asked Mom where my “broken shirt” was.  Understandably, she couldn’t comprehend what I was referring to, and asked for clarification.  Being a child of about five, I grew more and more frustrated each time my mother couldn’t figure out what I wanted.  It seemed perfectly clear to me which one was my broken shirt, but she didn’t see it the way I did.  We searched and searched until we finally found a shirt that had no sleeves (No sleeves=”broken” to my child’s mind), and the day went on.

Communication mishaps can also happen due to a lack of information.  This one affected my brother, who, at the age of ten asked my dad what was in the two glass bottles sitting atop a salad bar at a restaurant where we were lunching.  My dad told him that they were filled with vinegar and oil.  “You mean for a woman’s douche?” came my brother’s response, which caused both me and my father to nearly fall out of our chairs laughing.  To this day, I can’t look at those two bottles at a salad bar without remembering that conversation from so long ago.  And David (my brother) still gets a little embarrassed and tries to defend his younger self, who didn’t know the difference back then.

But probably the funniest blunders can happen when you only hear part of a conversation, or you mishear what’s been said.  All sorts of interesting conclusions can be jumped to when you catch just tiny snippets of conversations, especially when you don’t know the context in which things have been said.  These are the moments when you can’t help but laugh out loud and then quiet right down because you realize that it’s YOUR brain that’s turned an almost certainly innocuous discussion into something more twisted.

Or even better is when you’ve got the TV or radio on, but you’re only half listening to it, and you hear someone say something that, upon reflection, they couldn’t POSSIBLY have said.

This latest one recently happened to Craig’s daughter, Athena.  We were watching TV, and a commercial for Jeep came on.  All of a sudden, Athena asked “Why is it that only qualified lesbians can own Jeeps?”  Craig and I had to stop laughing and dry our tears before we found out that she’d simply misheard “Only qualified LESSEES can own Jeeps . . .”  For the rest of the day, we talked about what could or couldn’t be owned by qualified lesbians, and wondered what that particular qualification process could possibly entail.

So the next time you attempt to converse with someone, be on the lookout for these kinds of bloopers; they can really brighten your day, and provide you with years of enjoyment when you relive them with others.  In fact, if you have any you’d like to share with us here, I’d love to hear them.  I’ve got the tissues at the ready to dry my eyes.

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8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Dolly Chamberlin
    Dec 13, 2013 @ 07:13:03

    Then there was the time when, according to your ears, you pledged allegiance to the United Steaks of America. Thanks for the memories, & the learning experiences.
    LOVES :}

    Reply

  2. Alyx Morgan
    Dec 13, 2013 @ 08:45:30

    LMAO! I did? I really don’t remember that one. I do, however, remember thinking that you used to “God bless so much over” me, rather than “God bless & watch over” me, when you would tuck me in at night.

    Good times. Thanks for stopping by today, Mom. 😀

    Reply

  3. Eileen
    Dec 14, 2013 @ 06:29:35

    I just about drove off the road when my son and I were singing Christmas carols in the car, and his rendition of Rudolph included alternate words for “Rudolph with your nose so bright, would you drive my sleigh tonight?” … into “would you be my slave tonight?”

    Reply

  4. Linda Kathleen Riebel
    Dec 14, 2013 @ 09:58:57

    Surely you’ve heard about the kids who sang, “While shepherds washed their socks by night….”

    Reply

  5. Janet Rudolph
    Dec 14, 2013 @ 11:41:16

    So funny! And so well written.

    Reply

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