Protecting My Time

I recently had a mini meltdown because I had to stay at work a couple extra hours for an evening meeting.  In the midst of the meltdown, I asked myself why I was so ticked that I had to stay until seven o’clock.

First off, let me explain that I wasn’t a participant in the meeting.  I’m an administrative assistant in my day job, so it was my duty to set up the meeting, order the food, and make sure all attendees were there on time.  I’ve been told many times that I could be more than an assistant (Project Manager, Manager, etc), if I wanted to, but I have purposely avoided those kinds of roles, because I’ve seen how often those jobs interfere with one’s personal time.  Being a secretary was never my dream job anyway, but it has allowed me to pay my bills, and still have enough left over to travel and live comfortably.  I’m good at it too, so I don’t have many complaints.  I even understand that an admin will put in overtime occasionally; it’s just part of the gig.

So why was I so cheesed off that I had to stay late that day to make sure that the food and all the attendees were situated before I could leave?

The first thing that came to mind was that it was an unplanned overage.  I knew about the meeting the day before, so I knew there would be a little bit of overtime, but I was expecting only an hour of overtime at max . . . not two.

I’m someone who needs my down time, or else I feel worn thin.  Time when I can relax and kick back.  Let the rest of the day go.  Plus, I’m an early-to-bed, early-t0-rise person, so I tend to be in bed by nine o’clock.  If I don’t get home until well after seven, that leaves me less than two hours to eat dinner, relax and do whatever household chore I can before it’s time to hit the sack.  So when I start sensing that my evening hours are being compromised, I become whiny (like I did that night), and start stomping around and grumbling (both in my head).

I’m also an introvert.  To general acquaintances, I might appear to be an extrovert, but I am an introvert who can act the extrovert when the situation calls for it.  I do enjoy spending time with others, but after being around a lot of people, I find that I need to go home and cleanse my psyche of the energetic activity.  It’s a big reason why I can’t stand crowded places.  Going to a huge event like the Taste of Chicago, or a jam-packed theme park can be very draining for me, and I’m often lethargic the next day, trying to recover from all the mental activity.

Plus, with everything that’s been going on lately, I feel like I haven’t had enough time to cleanse my self properly.  I’ll get a moment or two of calm and then WHAM!  Another activity or whatnot crops up.  Granted, I’ve been adding them on myself, but I’m finding that it’s become highly detrimental to me lately.  I’m more scattered than I used to be.  I don’t pay as much attention to detail as I once prided myself on.  I’ve even found that I’m not as punctual as was once my norm.

So looking openly at all that, I’m left with some very important questions.  Am I putting so many things on my plate because I’m subconsciously preparing for bigger and better things coming into my life?  Is the Universe just going through a major overhaul right now, energy-wise, and I’m simply caught up in it?  Am I addicted to planning things and not planning any down time?  Or am I afraid to have too much down time, for fear that I’ll miss out on things?  Do I need to ask for help from my friends and family to be my checks and balances over how much stuff I’ve got going on?

I might not be able to answer any of these questions for a while, but the fact that I’m noticing my whininess tells me that I’m getting ready to do something about it.  Hopefully I get everything settled down before I have an even bigger meltdown than worrying about getting home a couple hours late.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Dolly Chamberlin
    Nov 18, 2011 @ 17:02:17

    All good questions, which will be answered as you become ready. I recently went through a huge release, & am still assimilating many of the emotions. Perhaps we are both experiencing a crest in our growth. I think now it will be interesting to watch the transition, & the changes throughout the transition. Each watching our metamorphosis. LOVES 🙂


  2. Dana
    Nov 22, 2011 @ 15:49:03

    Is it any consolation that I feel exactly the same way when my evening hours are compromised? When you’ve got a lot of stuff on your plate and you don’t have time to recharge, it’s a perfectly normal reaction. I have to fight with myself to cut back on stuff…


    • Alyx Morgan
      Nov 22, 2011 @ 15:56:16

      Yep…there are just so many things I want to do in life! It’s hard sometimes to put some things off until some time frees up.

      Thanks for stopping by, Dana! It’s always nice to hear from a kindred spirit. 🙂


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